JessVsGrief

I haven’t posted in about a week.

Not because I’ve been busy… but because I haven’t.

After my anniversary and Easter, I feel like I’ve slipped into a bit of a dark hole.
I’ve been avoiding people.
Barely eating.Sleeping at weird times.
Just… existing more than living.

And we’re coming up on two years since Rodney has been gone.

Two years.

I don’t even know how that’s possible, because somehow it feels like forever… and also like it just happened.

Lately, it’s just been a lot of emotions sitting on top of me all at once.

Grief.
Loneliness.
Stress.
Uncertainty.

Trying to find a job while carrying all of this has been harder than I ever expected.
It’s like I’m supposed to show up confident and polished in interviews… while quietly falling apart in the background.

And I feel alone.

I know people say they’re there for me. And I believe they mean it.
But it’s different when you’re the one living this.

No one else is waking up in my house.
No one else is carrying Rodney’s absence the way I am.
No one else is trying to rebuild a life they didn’t choose.

People say “it’s going to be okay,” and I know they’re trying to help…
but the truth is, they don’t know that.

They can’t.

They’re not living in it.

And on top of all of that… I’m trying to potty train a puppy.
Which, if I’m being honest, is going horribly.

So yeah… this past week?

It’s been really, really tough.

I’ve been on the struggle bus.

No big lessons.
No inspirational ending.
Just honesty.

I’m still here.
And right now, that has to be enough.