JessVsGrief

Holidays don’t feel the same when the people you love are missing.

This weekend felt like a mix of small, quiet moments and really heavy ones.

Lately, I’ve been using Rodney’s camera. Picking it up has felt like another way to stay close to him. Seeing the world through something that was his has been comforting in a way I didn’t expect.

On Saturday, I spent some time taking photos in the basement. It was quiet, just me and the camera, focusing on something small and still.

On Sunday, I went to the cemetery to see Rodney. I brought Biscotti with me.

I always get Rodney a card for every holiday. I write him a little note inside, just something to remind him how special that day is to me and how much I still think of him. Then I seal it up and leave it with him. It’s one of the ways I still feel connected.

After that, Biscotti and I went to my mom’s house for Easter. We stayed for a few hours, just spending time together.

But there is always a void. Missing Rodney. Missing my dad. And this year, I felt it more than I expected to.

But overall, it was a really hard day.

I came home, laid on the couch, and cried. A lot.

I think everything has just been building. The grief, the stress, the uncertainty. It’s starting to feel like more than I can carry some days. And this weekend was one of those times where it all just hit at once.

If you’re feeling that too, you’re not alone. Sometimes getting through the day is enough.

And right now, that’s what I’m doing.