JessVsGrief

It is Sunday. Another weekend when I tend to feel the most lonely.

It has been especially hard lately after being laid off unexpectedly at the beginning of February. During the week I spend a lot of time looking for work and reaching out to recruiters, trying to figure out what is next. When the weekend comes, I try to slow down and take care of myself.

One of the things I used to do on weekends was make breakfast for Rodney and me. I made breakfast a lot, and waffles were always one of my favorite things to make. Rodney never actually cooked with me. He just showed up when it was time to eat.

If you want to try the waffles yourself, you can find the recipe here.

Lately I have been trying different waffle recipes to see if I can find one I really love. Today I think I finally got the closest. They were fluffy and had this waffle cone type flavor, like the smell from an ice cream shop. I do not really know how else to describe it, but they were really good.

I made bacon and hash browns too, and as I sat there eating my waffle it reminded me how much Rodney would have loved them.

Weekends just feel different now.

There is something strange about trying to figure out life again. Trying to figure out who you are and how to move forward while still honoring and remembering the person you loved.

I have always loved cooking and baking, but after Rodney passed away it became really hard to do. Cooking for one person feels very different than cooking for two. There is also a strange feeling I do not always know how to explain. When you have been a wife for so long and suddenly you are not cooking for anyone anymore, a part of that role feels like it disappears.

For a long time after he passed away, I avoided cooking because of that.

But I am trying to get back into it because cooking and baking are things I genuinely love.

So today’s small win was a really good waffle.

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday. And if your weekends feel a little quiet too, you are not alone.